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SHERIFF'S CALLS

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A pile of trouble

CONIFER — While walking his dog on the morning of Dec. 20, Neighbor No. 1’s dog went number two on Neighbor No. 2’s lawn. Neighbor No. 1 would later tell deputies he was just about to secure the steaming submission when Neighbor No. 2 marched up and “got in my face.” Neighbor No. 2 would later tell deputies that when he saw Neighbor No. 1 moseying away without the number two on board, he walked outside and politely “asked him to pick it up,” and Neighbor No. 1 responded by recalling that the previous owner of No. 2’s house “was murdered.” Either way, the confrontation soon turned so nasty that Neighbor No. 3 rushed out and informed No. 1 and No. 2 that he’d called the cops. After questioning all interested parties, deputies announced that no charges would be filed and the case would be documented as a disturbance. Neighbor No. 1 demanded to know precisely “what would be documented and why.” Officers explained that the testimony of all three parties would be granted equal space in their report. That being the case, No. 1 insisted that No. 2 and No. 3 be given “lie detector tests” before their testimony became public record. Deputies declined to administer the requested lie-detector tests, and Neighbor No. 1 responded with an off-the-cuff comment about “police brutality.” Deputies ignored the remark and closed the case.

My daughter the detective

TURKEY CREEK CANYON — Back in the autumn of 2013, she told deputies, her dad had been installing cabinets in a dental office when his iPad went missing. Her dad suspected a painter working at the site had stolen the device, but he didn’t report it at the time because he figured “the police couldn’t do anything about it anyway.” Fast-forward to Dec. 22, 2015, when she was fooling around with a gadget-locating app and discovered that her dad’s iPad was alive and well and residing on Yuba Way in Aurora. Investigating further, she noted that a satellite image of Yuba Way showed a vehicle parked at the iPad’s current address identical to one the suspect painter had been driving in the autumn of 2013. She’d first contacted Aurora authorities, who told her she needed to file a report with JCSO before they would agree to accompany her to Yuba Way and attempt to retrieve the article. JCSO deputies filed the report and bounced the case back in Aurora’s court.

The evil among us

EVERGREEN — ‘Twas the morning of Christmas Eve when the apartment manager asked deputies to show Daisy the door. It seems Daisy was wanted on numerous felony warrants, including some for allegedly scamming fellow apartment residents, and she was no longer welcome at the Bergen Park complex. Deputies found Daisy’s apartment unoccupied, but heard two voices coming from Rose’s unit next door. Answering the deputies knock, Rose assured them that she was alone, and said that while Daisy “came to see me earlier,” she did not know the fugitive’s current whereabouts. Wondering about that second voice, officers asked Rose if they could come in and assess her degree of aloneness for themselves. Rose folded faster than a pair of threes. “Yes, she’s here,” Rose admitted, “but you have no warrant to search my house.” Deputies readily admitted that was the case, but pointed out that they did have a warrant for Daisy’s immediate apprehension, and they were bound to serve it eventually, with or without Rose’s help. Hearing it that way, Rose at last produced the elusive Daisy, whom deputies promptly arrested. In light of Rose’s trusting nature and misguided affection for the suspected con artist, deputies advised Rose’s daughter to check her mother’s bank and credit-card accounts for any suspicious transactions. 

iWitness

EVERGREEN — On the afternoon of Dec. 22, a deputies observed the Infiniti and Audi directly in front of him on Buffalo Park Road turn north onto Highway 73. Instead of merging politely as the road narrowed to a single northbound lane, the two vehicles both accelerated furiously, each trying to get ahead of the other, and the double-yellow be danged. Both cited for reckless driving, Audi insisted that he’d only “sped up to keep the other car from passing me” and promised to fight the charge. The deputy thought that was a great idea, since the cruiser’s electronic dashboard cam must surely must have held proof of Audi’s complete innocence. Audi decided not to fight the charge after all.